Another year older, not any wiser

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 33 years old now. I don't think I like it.

Getting older makes me sad. It makes me think about changes and I'm not really big on changes. My kids are getting big and I just don't like it. I know I should be looking forward to the great future we have with them growing up and having their own families. Trouble is I don't want them to grow up and have their own families. I'd much rather they stay small and here at home with me.

Getting older makes me think of all the things that I haven't done yet. All the things that I thought I would have done and now know that I probably never will. Missed opportunities that I didn't take because I thought I'd take them 'later'. Later never really comes does it.

My birthday comes just as the summer seems to be winding down. The kids go back to school on the 16th and I'm not ready. As crazy as they make me during the day sometimes I'm not looking forward to them all being gone. Tess will start Pre-K this year which means I won't have any little ones at home with me. I think that's the problem actually. I've had at least one of my kids at home with me for 11 years in a row now. In 2 weeks that will change and I've already stated how I feel about change.

I feel a nervous breakdown coming on. Scary.