Who stole my scissors

I'm not sure where they could be. But it's really ticking me off that I can't find them. I really need my scissors.

I've been in a funk today. What's new huh? But today I'm frustrated that two of my clothing sets didn't sell on eBay yesterday. They were really cute. People all over the place are missing out because they didn't buy them. Seriously.

So I've been sitting here today wondering why I do what I do. And thinking about the fact that I'm going to miss it when I go back to work. I didn't get an interview with the first application I sent in. But there is now another job Hubby thinks I should apply for. And honestly the hours would work wonderfully so I guess I'll go for it. If I get it I won't be able to sew though, and that makes me sad.

And I think maybe I should stop making sets all together because they never do as well as I hope they will. I could concentrate on my website and the items I have there. But that' s just not nearly as fun. I don't get to make new things doing that. It's just always the same thing one after another.

So I just checked my email and I got another order from my website. Which leads me to think that it doesn't matter if it's the same thing one after another or not, at least it's a sale. Right?

But I need my scissors. I can't work without them and now I have a new order to get done.

Who stole my scissors?

More changes

I guess I need to just accept that changes are inevitable. They just seem to be happening non-stop around here lately!

Yesterday was Elliot's 10th birthday. We're having a party for him this weekend that I've just sort of thrown together. Haven't even had a chance to send out invites. I guess at this point I'll just call all the mom's to invite them. Hopefully everyone won't be booked so he'll have some friends there. I can't believe it's been 10 years since he was born. I remember it like it was yesterday. Wow.

Marleigh has her first boyfriend. Scary, huh? She's had several friends who have had boyfriends and I've always told her that she was too young for that. Then yesterday she got in the car after school and told me that Cody asked her to "go out with" him. I guess that's what they call it these days. I remember being in 6th grade and having Jesse Berenger ask me if I'd "go with him". I wondered where he wanted to go. Then I realized that was just what it was called when you were officially a couple.

So I got to thinking that never once did I ask my own Mother if I could go with someone. I felt good that at least Marleigh asked me first. I asked Marleigh what she told Cody and she said she told him she'd have to ask her mom. Good girl! So I took the opportunity to talk with her about what was and was most definitely not appropriate at her age. Then I spoke to Hubby about it and we decided that it probably wasn't that big a deal and that she knew right from wrong. I told her definitely no kissing and no talking on the phone with him non-stop. He's basically just a special friend I guess. It's strange though. My little girl has her first little boyfriend. Wow.

Sela is doing well in school. I'm worried that she doesn't have that many friends in her class. I guess I'll just need to make time on the weekends for her to get together with some other girls she knows. I ask her every day who she plays with and it's always Jasmine. Yesterday I asked if she ever played with Taylor and she said that Taylor only played with Jasmine and the other girls. So I guess Sela plays with Jasmine when she's free. I hope she'll branch out and make some other friends.

And Tess has her first little friend which I'm thrilled about. She never did pre-school like so many other kids do so she's never had her own friends. Just sort of shared Sela's friends. She says she plays with Victoria and Hadyn. This morning I dropped her off and she was being a little bit clingy with me until a sweet little blonde girl walked up with her Mother. Tess wouldn't leave my side before that but then this little girl walked up and she was ready to leave. I looked at the mother and said, "Is this Hadyn?" and she said, "Yes, and this must be Tess. She's all Hadyn talks about!". It felt good to know that the little girl that Tess has befriended likes her just as much.

Good times mostly. Lots of changes but still, good times.

Wow. It sure is quiet.

Today is the first day of school. Everyone has been sent off or dropped off and now here I am at home. Alone. No little people asking for a snack. No bottoms to wipe. No Noggin to turn on. Just quiet. Really really quiet.

I've had someone home with me for 11 years. I'm a mom. That's what I do. And now someone else is taking care of my kids during the day. I don't really like it.

Marleigh started middle school. She was excited and nervous and just a ball of energy this morning. She says she's so happy to be out of elementary school because she was, "like, sooo over that". She's definitely turning into a little teenager.

Elliot has a teacher that is new to the school this year. We met her last night and she seems very nice. She was just married 3 weeks ago, and as far as I know she's not taught before. Heaven help her. She's got a lot of little boys in that 4th grade class. I told Elliot to be extra good today. Don't want her to get scared off her first day.

Sela got the one teacher for Kindergarten that I didn't want her to get. While I'm sure this teacher will be fine, she's not the lovey-dovey type that I believe a Kindergarten teacher should be. And of all my kids, I think Sela needs that the most. The parents were supposed to stay with the kids this morning. So I went. The classroom was full of children playing and talking to each other and parents sitting at tiny little tables watching the kids. Then there was me, with Sela attached to me like a peel to a banana. I tried several times, unsuccessfully to peel her off and get her to play. She even knows kids in the class, but she just wouldn't leave my side. Eventually all but two parents (myself and one other) left and the kids headed out to play. Sela again wouldn't leave my side. The teacher finally came over and tried to coax her out onto the playground and I took it as my cue to leave. When I announced that I was going to head out Sela burst into tears. I finally peeled her off of me and transferred her over to the teacher. I made my way across the playground and looked back to see that she was still attached to the teacher. I had a ways to walk to get to my car where I got in and cried a bit at the thought of leaving my kids all in school and knowing that I'd come home to an empty quiet house. Then I drove around the front of the school in hopes that by now I would see Sela playing on the swings or talking with her friends. Instead, there she was still stuck like glue to the teacher. I hope she does ok. I hope the teacher makes her feel better.

Tess has been saying she didn't want to go to school because she didn't want me to be all alone. Bless that little girl. I took her in to Pre-K today and anticipated that she would act the way Sela did. Instead she sat down at a table and got hard at work doing puzzles. My baby, at school, doing just fine. Without me.

It's just strange. I wish I could freeze them all and not let them grow up anymore. I'm not ready for them to get big.

In other news, Hubby wants me to get a job. We could really use the extra income and we started talking about it a few weeks ago after he looked at our bills. At that point, we discussed that maybe when Tess enters 1st grade I could find a full time job. Then the next week Hubby looked at our bills and budget a little closer and things have just snowballed since then. There happens to be a full time job available that would be a lifesaver financially. But it's full time. And I'm dealing with my kids all being in school and now all of the sudden there is the possibility that I might not even be here for them on sick days and before and after school. Not to mention the summer. I decided that I would just apply and see what happens. I think the chances of me getting the position are slim and if I get it then I'll take it as a sign that it was meant to be. Except that the job is with a city office, which is where Hubby works, so he seems to be putting feelers out and thinks I might actually have a shot of getting it. It's one thing to just get it on my own and know that it was meant to be. It's another thing to have Hubby doing what he can to improve my chances of getting it. Then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Right?

I guess right now I'll just deal with the house being as quiet as it is. I'll worry about this job situation when and if they call me for an interview.

Long live the special dot

Well, it's still there.

We made it to Tulsa yesterday and were in the middle of Target, trying to do some school shopping when my cell phone rang. It was a nurse from the doctor's office calling from her cell phone.

She said, "I'm calling you from my cell phone because we've just lost all our power at the office and the Dr. wanted me to call you before you drove all the way here. Even if we do get the power back on he won't be able to work on Marleigh now today."

Great.

Nice of them to call me since I do live an hour from the office and gas is what, eight bucks a gallon these days. Ugh. Of course, I had already drug all four kids on the hour long trip and it was way past lunch time and we still hadn't eaten so no one was in a very good mood. Certainly not a mood to take that sort of phone call.

So now I guess we wait. I was supposed to get a call from the office today to reschedule but I never did. I should have called myself but truthfully I knew the chances of getting in before school starts next Wednesday would be pretty slim. So I suppose we'll plan to do it on the afternoon of Wednesday before fall break so she'll have the long weekend to heal. Not ideal since she really wanted it gone before she started middle school and met all these new kids but what can you do?

And as a side note, apparently a lot of residences and businesses in the area of the doctors office have been having electrical problems because of the heat. It was 110 yesterday. I'd say that's hot. I'm sure a certain someone I know will say this is coming back to haunt me because I ran my washing machine at the wrong time of day a couple weeks ago. And perhaps it is. But at least my family all had clean underwear on when we were driving that hour to get to Tulsa. I mean, what if we'd had a wreck and were all wearing dirty drawers?

Marleigh's special dot

When Marleigh was 4 months old, she developed a little spot under her chin. I remember it so vividly because it was right at the same time that she started eating cereal and it was that same khaki color that the cereal was. I was wiping her face one day and thought it was a spot of cereal but it didn't come off.

Over the next several months the spot grew larger and started to get darker. I'm not sure how long it was before it was the way it is now. But it currently is a large (nearly dime size) dark brown raised area. The kind of big mole that old ladies have with long black wiry hairs growing out of it.

As a little bitty girl, Marleigh referred to what we decided was a birthmark (although it wasn't there at birth) as her "special dot". I've always viewed it sort of like Cindy Crawfords mole. It's an area on Marleigh's chin that makes her, well... her. I actually think it is special. No one else has one. Just her.

But she's going into middle school this year and she's self conscious of this special dot that she now refers to as "the mole". She's told me that kids at school call her Marleigh Moley or Moley Mammoth. Why are kids so mean? I want to go beat those mean kids up.

So today we're traveling to Tulsa to have her special dot removed. I'm having my plastic surgeon do it. He doesn't normally do mole removals but since I've been such a faithful patient (not quite as faithful as Michael Jackson is to his surgeon) he is going to do it. I'm hoping she doesn't scar like I do. I'm hoping that instead of the mole she'll have what will eventually be a small little incision line that isn't noticed unless she points it out.

Another change. The end of the special dot.

Another year older, not any wiser

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 33 years old now. I don't think I like it.

Getting older makes me sad. It makes me think about changes and I'm not really big on changes. My kids are getting big and I just don't like it. I know I should be looking forward to the great future we have with them growing up and having their own families. Trouble is I don't want them to grow up and have their own families. I'd much rather they stay small and here at home with me.

Getting older makes me think of all the things that I haven't done yet. All the things that I thought I would have done and now know that I probably never will. Missed opportunities that I didn't take because I thought I'd take them 'later'. Later never really comes does it.

My birthday comes just as the summer seems to be winding down. The kids go back to school on the 16th and I'm not ready. As crazy as they make me during the day sometimes I'm not looking forward to them all being gone. Tess will start Pre-K this year which means I won't have any little ones at home with me. I think that's the problem actually. I've had at least one of my kids at home with me for 11 years in a row now. In 2 weeks that will change and I've already stated how I feel about change.

I feel a nervous breakdown coming on. Scary.

Mr. Bufflockatoo

I've been meaning to jot down the story of Mr. Bufflockatoo before I forget it....

I was at Hastings a few weeks ago with Elliot, Sela, and Tess. All 3 children were pretty tired and cranky and we were trying to make some movie selections and get home. Elliot and Sela had their movies picked out and Tess, as usual, was giving me a hard time. By that I mean, she wanted one movie and I was telling her no so she was throwing a fit trying to get me to change her mind. Instead of giving into her fit I told her that we'd just have to look until she found a movie that I would agree on.

In the meantime, Elliot and Sela were bored out of their minds and ready to get home after a day of shopping. As we stood there waiting Elliot passed the time by braiding Sela's hair. I had no idea the boy could braid hair.

We finally made it out of the store and I commented on how nice Sela's hair looked. Our conversation went something like this.

Me: "Wow Elliot. I didn't know you could braid. When did you learn that?"

E: "I don't know. Marleigh taught me." He had a real everyone-who's-anyone-can-braid-and-it's-no-big-deal tone in his voice.

Me: "Hmmmm, well you did a good job. You know, one of these days you're going to make someone a very nice husband. And a great Daddy too."

E: "Yep"

Me: "You are going to get married and have kids someday. Aren't you?" I think I have a fear that my children won't provide me with enough grandchildren. So I thought I'd start the nagging early.

E: "I don't know. I guess so. I think I will."

Me: "Well, you're the only one with our last name. You have all these sister's and cousins but they are all girls so when and if they get married and have babies then they will have a different last name. It's up to you to carry on our name." Nothing like a little pressure from Mom. Right?

I wasn't sure if Elliot understood what I was saying. But without skipping a beat he glanced at Tess and replied very matter of factly with, "Yeah, I know. She'll be like Tess Bufflockatoo. And her husband will be Mr. Bufflockatoo."

To which Tess replied with, "I don't WANT to be Tess Bufflockatoo! I will NOT marry Mr. Bufflockatoo!"

I have no idea who Mr. Bufflockatoo is. As far as I know, Elliot just came up with that name on the spot. If there is a Mr. Bufflockatoo though I sure hope he's preparing himself because Tess is quite a handful!

___________________________________________

*Orville update* Poor little Orville is back at the vet today. He's been in and out of the vets since I first postd that he was sick. I was trying to have them do anything they could other than this crazy $150 test to see if he had a "foreign body" inside his body. Over the weekend, he wasn't able to eat without vomiting so back he went today to get the expensive test. They'll call me with the results. I talked with my sister, who is the cats real owner, and she said that if he needs surgery she just can't afford it. I'm crossing my fingers that he doesn't need surgery.

That darn cat

Orville is sick. He's never been sick. I feel bad for him.

Orville is actually my sister's cat. She moved out of state several years ago and we sort of inherited the cat. Hubby hates cats. Really doesn't care for them at all.

Orville likes me. He loves Elliot. They are kindred spirits. Brothers. The only two little boys of the house.

Orville hates Hubby. Not good.

So Hubby has mentioned several times that we need to get rid of that darn cat because the whole house smells because of him. Actually, it's just his litter box. And he really is a good kitty. Never having accidents or getting into things or anything.

Saturday night Marleigh came in to tell us that Orville had just thrown up and peed in the living room. Great.

Sunday morning Selah came in to say that Orville had left 3 piles of hoark and 2 piles of tinkle upstairs while everyone was sleeping. Thanks for the present kitty.

Needless to say, Hubby shut Orville in the bathroom after that so any more accidents would be contained.

Elliot and I took him to the vet yesterday. It turns out that although it's incredibly rare in male kitties, Orville has a UTI. He has bladder stones as well, luckily not large enough that they'll need to be surgically removed. However, he's on medication for 14 days and on a special food for 4 weeks and then on a special "maintenance" food for the rest of his life. It's $1/can. For cat food.

Our vet bill yesterday was $200. I'm sure you can imagine that Hubby is not pleased.

Poor little Orville. I feel so bad for him, just shut up in the bathroom and feeling icky. Elliot and I gave him his medicine this morning and then half a can of his special food. He threw it up though. Which means I have to take him back in because he shouldn't be throwing up.

My sister has contacted a friend that she used to volunteer with at the Animal Rescue Foundation. We'll see if we can find Orville a new home. Although it makes me terribly sad.

This is Orville not long after he moved in with us. When my sister named him, he was still a little kitten and was all white. Then in his first year he turned yellow but has these "O's" on either side of him. How cool is that. And he has the most beautiful blue eyes. He really is a sweet kitty.

Go me!

Just a quick little brag on my part.

I was just sitting her looking around online. I really should be up doing laundry and housework but I figured sitting online would be much more fun. Actually, I do have laundry going. That's gotta count for something.

Anywho...

I decided to search one of the products that I sell to see if it would get pulled up. Well it did, which is pretty exciting in itself. I mean, something that little old me makes can be searched on this world wide web and then found by millions. Amazing.

What was really exciting though was to see that I was mentioned in a blog. Some chic who has a blog and writes about all sorts of nifty finds actually mentioned me in her blog. And no doubt sent people to me. That's actually the second blog that I've seen where someone has mentioned my products. Pretty exciting.

Now if only the people who visit my site would just place an order already then we'd be on a roll!

Slacker Blogger

Whoops.

Craziness. Pure craziness I tell you. The last month seems to have just flown right on by. I feel like the kids just got out of school and we're still adjusting to summer coming. Instead, summer is nearly halfway over already. What's up with that?!

We spent a good part of June getting ready for my step-cousins wedding in Colorado. I ended up taking Sela (who was the flower girl) and Marleigh (who just HAD to attend a wedding so she could dress up fancy). I drove and made great time getting there and would have on the way home too if it wasn't for that cop in Wakeeny, KS who slowed me down with a traffic ticket.

It was a busy but fun weekend filled with lots of wedding events. And non-wedding events too, like our hotel fire alarm waking us up at 12:45 a.m. which resulted in all the hotel guests being evacuated to the parking lot for an hour +. I just have one thing to say about that...it's cold in the middle of the night in Colorado.

We were all concerned that Sela would get to scared and not walk down the aisle. I had bribed her by telling her that she would get her ears pierced if she made it down. The night of the rehearsal she was all gung ho until we started the actual practicing and then she started sobbing. She was so terrified. Luckily, a nice bridesmaid and my step-niece who is just a few years older than Sela ended up taking her under their wings and she did great. She did awesome for the wedding and looked beautiful. I was so teary thinking about my little step-cousin getting married but also watching my own little girl walk down the aisle and knowing that in what will seem like a blink of an eye it will be her turn.

Immediately after the wedding was over Sela wanted to know when we'd get her ears pierced. We made it back home to Oklahoma and set off for Claire's at the first possible chance we had. So now she's sporting a great new pair of ear rings. Big girl.

We (the whole fam-damily as my step-dad would say) are in Dallas now enjoying some nice r&r. We actually go home tomorrow and it'll be back to the grind. The week started with a trip on Wednesday to visit Hubby's brother's in Oklahoma. We had a great day at the lake with all of our families. Then we headed here to Dallas to stay at the Gaylord Texan, the best place to stay if you ever make it out this way. We love it!

We even stopped in Checotah, Oklahoma on the way here and looked around for Carrie Underwood. Didn't see her but I got lots of neat pictures of the "single stop light", the "Sonic", and "Eufala Lake" where she used to catch crawfish. Driving out of town we stuck her CD in and all sang along to "I ain't in Checotah anymore". Cheesy, aren't we?

That's it for my mid-summer update I guess. I need to do better about writing in this thing. I keep missing out on great info to add. Like Tess in the bathroom telling me how fast Eli was because he had a big tail. Maybe I'll save that story for next time though.

Holding on

It's hard for me to realize how long it's been since I've really sat and just held my firstborn. Marleigh is 11 now and seems so much more grown up than I was at that age. I guess I get so caught up in the fact that I have "the little girls" that I forget that Marleigh is and always will be my first little girl.

Yesterday I went up to help her clean her room. Not just the normal cleaning that she claims to do when I say, "Go clean up your room." That cleaning generally results in things being shoved in drawers and in the closet and under the bed. Yesterday we actually cleaned all the hiding places and had a great purge of just-plain-junk that was hiding in all the nooks and crannies of her room.

At one point she was sitting on her bed and I was on the floor in front of her. I reached under her bed to grab something just as she bent over to grab the same thing and my fisted hand met her mouth. It was sort of comical the way it happened and so of course I let out a bit of a giggle until I saw that she was in pain. Marleigh tends to be a bit dramatic (now where on earth could she get that?!) and so at first I thought she was just mad because I was laughing. Then I realized that I really truly hurt her, hitting her right in her mouth and actually causing her lip to bleed just a bit.

As I apologized for hurting her, and held her to me rubbing her back it hit me that it's been way too long since I've had her in my arms. I can remember being a girl her age and still wanting to crawl into my own Mother's lap. Or just to sit with her on the couch while we watched Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune. And by sitting with her I mean sitting as close to her as I could without being on her lap.

As a grown woman I like my space. Maybe it's because there always seems to be someone in this house who needs something from me. But when I'm sitting on the couch I don't necessarily want to hold someone. Or even have them sit that close to me for that matter. Sure, I'll hold Sela or Tess more often because they are smaller. But the 'big kids' don't get nearly as much snuggle time as they should.

So for some reason, as I was hugging Marleigh yesterday I just thought, "I should do this more often." There was a time when she was our only child. Everything sort of revolved around her. Then 3 more kids were thrown into the picture and she sort of took the back burner. I think I'm harder on her because she's the oldest and 'knows better' a lot of them time. But that's not very fair of me. She's still a child. My child.

Marleigh, Sela and I will be going to Colorado in a week for the wedding that Sela is to be in. I was sort of dreading the trip up until yesterday. Now I'm looking foward to spending some time with my oldest. It's all to real how quickly she's grown. I need to cherish the years we have left together and let her know how incredibly much she means to me.

Over the River and Through the Woods

The kids are gone. All 4 of them. At the same time. They do this every summer and it's nice. Quiet but nice. Nana and Grandpa take them plus the 3 cousins all for a week of fun and fellowship at 'Nana and Grandpa' camp. Better them than me I say.

So they left yesterday. Hubby and I had a nice relaxing evening with no refereeing, no wiping bottoms, no playing nurse, etc. We watched 2 full movies with no interruptions and even started watching a third that was on tv, just because we could. Stayed up until just after 1:00 and slept in until 11:00 this morning. It's like college all over again.

The kids are officially out for summer, obviously. I haven't had a chance to update my blog here because things have been so busy. The last couple weeks of school were just insane.

Marleigh has 'graduated' now from elementary school to middle school. She's even categorized as a 'junior high' student at church now. I dont' like it. How'd she get so big?

And Tess will be going to school next year. Just Pre-K but it's all day long. Whatever will I do with myself? I'd better start making some money or Hubby will send me out to find a REAL job. Then I won't be able to sit and watch my stories eating my bon bons all day like I've done all these years as a stay-at-home.

Today is Sela's 6th birthday. I hate that she's not with us. Looking at the clock now it's 11:30, just 13 minutes until her actual time of birth. Hard to believe it's been 6 years already. We had her birthday party on Friday afternoon. It was a Japanese theme complete with little cakes in the form of bowls full of food and some fun sushi cakes I made. No more parties now until August. Whew.

The next big thing to tackle is my cousins wedding in a few weeks. Sela is the flower girl. Please please please God let her walk down the aisle and not wimp out. Amen.

Fairies Don't Like Cats

Who knew?!



Here's a story worth sharing. The players are Me, Hubby, Elliot, and Orville the Cat.


NIGHT 1 - Elliot yells down the stairs...

"Dad!"

"Yeah!"

"Hey, I'm gonna put this tooth under my pillow."

"All right. Night!"



NIGHT 2 - Elliot yells down the stairs again...

"Hey Dad!"

"What?"

"The tooth fairy didn't come last night so I'm going to leave my tooth under my pillow again. OK?"

Looking at me with a guilty face Hubby replies, "Um yeah. I bet she'll come tonight."



NIGHT 3 - Elliot yells down the stairs AGAIN...

"Um, Dad?"

Horror comes to both hubbies face and mine as we realize Elliot has been stood up by the tooth fairy yet again.

"Yeah buddy? What is it?"

"She didn't come again. I'm going to leave my tooth under my pillow, ok?!"

"Hey, is Orville in your room?"

Silence.

"Elliot, did you hear me? Is Orville in your room?"

"Well yeah. He always sleeps with me. Why?"

"Fairies don't like cats. That's why the tooth fairy hasn't shown up."

I'm not sure how he did it but hubby said this in such a convincing tone that a look as if to say, "Seriously?!" came to my face.

"Dad, quit it! That's not true."

"I'm serious. She won't come if he's in there. Fairies don't like cats."

"Whatever Dad!"



NIGHT 4 - Yep, how awful is it that it went on this long? I think the kids' tooth fairy needs to be fired!

This time I was laying in bed, hubby was taking a shower, and Elliot came into my room with his tooth in a baggy.

"Mom?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, I'm going to leave my tooth under Daddy's pillow since fairies don't like cats. OK?"

"Oh good idea. I bet she'll find it there."

Hubby got out of the shower and I filled him in on the tooth under his pillow. I said, "He left it here since fairies don't like cats."

"Yeah, weird huh? You know Tinkerbell? She can't stand felines."

How's my husband know Tinkerbell?



You know, I think it might be stairs that Fairies don't like.

Thirteen years

Wow. Hard to believe it's been that long. What is it they say, "Time heal's all wounds". Whatever. I disagree.

Thirteen years ago today I stood next to my Mother in her hospital bed. She'd been delirous since the day before and we knew it would end soon. My step-dad made the decision to remove the oxygen tube from her nose, knowing that she wouldn't be able to take enough oxygen in on her own.

I'm sure they'd talked about what she would want done in "the end". I have no doubt, now that I'm a wife myself, that they had discussions of how long she would want to go on in the state she was in.

At the time though I didn't realize that. I was hurt and angry that my step-dad wouldn't let her have the oxygen. She grabbed at her face, in what I thought was an attempt to put the tube back. It was by far the most difficult thing I have ever watched.

And then she was gone.

The chaplain came in to pray with us. As we all gathered around her bed, I remember looking over at my little sister and seeing the confusion in her eyes. I remember standing on the left side of my Mother, holding her hand. She'd had surgery days before and there was an area on her side that was bandaged. I remember it started to ooze as we prayed. I covered it up, dabbing at the blood coming from under the bandage. I needed to take care of her. To be sure she was whole.

And then we left.

Just two days prior we stood in her room laughing and joking. She was in good spirits and was feeling well. The elderly lady in the room next to her coded and doctors and nurses from all over the Cancer Treatment Center were paged to her room. Her family gathered outside of the room, watching them work inside on their loved one. I remember my Mother telling us to shut the door. She didn't want the family to see that we were happy in our own little world. She wanted to respect that they were hurting.

Two days later it was us in that situation. Only there was no code. No rush of doctors and nurses. No heroic measures to keep her on this earth. Just a quiet group of family, all sobbing silently, watching our favorite person pass on without us.

I was 19 years old. Too young to lose a Mother. Still in need of guidance from her. I've grown up some since then. Become a wife and Mother myself. Countless times I've needed her. Needed to ask her a question on raising my children or being a wife. Needed to tell her of accomplishments or disappointements that have come my way. Needed her to care for me when I was sick. Needed her support when I didn't think I could make it through.

Thirteen years. Wow.

10, 9, 8, 7...

The countdown begins.

Ten more days of school left this year. I can't believe how quickly it seems to have gone. Why is it that when I was young and in school the months and years just seemed to drag on. Now that I'm the mom, watching my kids go through it all, I'm wanting to just freeze time because it's happening too fast.

Marleigh "graduates" from elementary school this year. Next year all four of the kids will be in school. I'm uncertain as to what I feel. Part of me is glad that my days won't be filled with wiping bottoms and watching Noggin all day long. That's a very small part though. The biggest part is feeling a bit lost. I actually like Noggin. I like watching it with Tess and although she can be such a little terror so much of the time she can also make me giggle like no one else can. I think I'll be really lonely without her home during the day.

Selah will be moving on to Kindergarten. She's in her second year of Pre-K right now and I wish I could just leave her there. I guess at some point the other kids will make fun of her though, huh? She turns 6 in just a few short weeks so I'm starting to get into birthday party planning mode. We're doing a Japanese theme party. I'm kinda excited about this one. I tend to go a bit overboard with parties but I can't help it. I'm sick that way. I was just looking around online for cake ideas and found this http://www.notmartha.org/tomake/hostesssushi.html How cute are THOSE?! I think I might make some but will probably have to get a "real" cake as well. We'll see.

Thanks again for all the well wishes for Selah. She's just about "normal" again. Although she still sounds funny when she talks. She has a very nasal-y sound to her voice. I can't tell if it's because her throat is still swollen a bit or if she's making herself sound like that. I mentioned it to hubby last night and he commented on how I always have a very sick voice that I use. A bit of drama followed when I realized that he had it in his crazy head that I sounded like that on purpose when I was sick. Like, I wake up one morning not feeling well so I summon up this "sick voice". Whatever. I explained that I sounded like that because of the drainage living inside my head. Goof.

I want my tonsils back!

Well, we're back and doing ok. The surgery went well, no complications. Usually they have you stay 2 hours after the surgery but we got a free ticket for a bonus hour because Selah threw up and they needed to be sure she wasn't going to keep doing it. She was able to have some jello and Sprite after surgery and she didn't want it but they wouldn't release us until she had at least half of it. She was such a trooper and wanted to go home so badly that she just keep taking small sips and bites until they finally said we could go.

At home she spent most of the day sleeping on the couch. All she had all day was a small yogurt that she wasn't able to finish, the Sprite that we brought home from the surgery center, and a couple licks of a popsicle. She wasn't able to keep anything down and we ended up having to give her some Pheneragen gel to help with the nausea. Luckily she was able to sleep fairly well with her pain meds.

This morning she woke up and said she didn't feel good and that her throat and ears hurt. She said, "I want my tonsils back!" Bless her heart. It's so hard to see the kids feeling cruddy, especially when there just isn't a whole lot I can do to make the pain go away.

The good news is that at about 11:00 Selah requested a pancake. She's addicted to them, and generally has one for breakfast every single morning. I gladly heated one up with her, thinking that she would take one or two bites and be done. To my happy surprise she ate the whole thing! And now it's 1:00 and she's just finished her second pancake. They are just the right consistency, especially when drenched in syrup.

She's still pretty puny and is just on bed rest but I imagine that by the end of the weekend she'll be all better. And hopefully without those tonsils and adenoids she will be much healthier.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and prayers, we sure do appreciate them!

Tonsils and Adnoids and Tubes OH MY!

Yep. We're off in about 10 minutes to have Selah's first surgery. Actually, it's the first time for any of the kids to have major surgery. I'm nervous. I know it's routine, but I'm still nervous.

She's had several bouts of strep throat already this year. And apparently, although she's never been one to suffer from lots of ear infections, she has a lot of fluid in her ears. So we'll just have it all taken care of in one fell swoop.

I'm hoping for a very fast and easy recovery. I hate seeing them in pain. It just stinks!

Wish us luck!

My many hats

The other day Tess and Selah were playing with Hubby. He had a hat on and there happened to be a hat of mine in the same room.

Tess took Hubby's hat off his head and put it on her own. She stood in front of him and said in her best deep-daddy-voice, "My name is Hubby and I build houses." Accurate. For the most part.

Then Selah grabbed my hat that was sitting on the back of the couch. She put it on her head and said in a high pitched girly voice (which happens to be very unlike my own voice actually), "My name is Margo and I work for my kids!"

I'm thinking of approaching them about a raise. If they are, in fact, in charge. That would at least explain some things. And I could maybe just go ahead and get those bon-bons after all.

Some help, maybe

Elliot has hearing issues.

We realized it when he was in Kindergarten. I received a note in the mail saying that he'd failed the hearing screening at school. I sort of shrugged it off, figured it was nothing. He failed the screening again next year and I figured I should probably take him to a doctor. So off we went.

The audiologist in town said that he had a severe hearing loss and required a hearing aid. We were dumbfounded. How could our kid have such a severe loss that he needed a hearing aid and we didn't even know it. Nice attentive parents, huh?

At the time of that testing Elliot happened to also have an ear infection. We were told that we needed to clear that up for the proper fitting of his new appliance but that taking care of the infection would not change the fact that he needed an aid.

Hubby was beside himself. I wasn't quite as upset, I just wanted Elliot to be able to hear. But we both had reservations of our kid having to go through life with this handicap. We know how cruel kids can be. It scared us to death.

The night before Elliot's next checkup Hubby prayed and prayed. In fact, he fasted the day before. He prayed that God would heal him and make it known that He had taken care of it. We went in the next day for the screening and the audiologist called us back with a dumbfounded look on her face. Elliot can hear, she told us. Not great, but not so bad now that he was even a candidate for amplification. She had no medical reason as to why this happened. Couldn't explain it. Wow.

The next year Elliot passed the hearing screening at school. However, last year he failed again. When I took him back to see the audiologist here in town she got such a completely different result that she referred us to a specialist in another town.

So that's where we've gone for a little over a year now. I should mention that Elliot has also had some fainting spells and often suffers from nausea for no apparent reason. In an attempt to find some sort of correlation between all these ailments poor little Elliot has been put through the ringer with tests. ABR's, MRI's, CT Scan's, EEG's, EKG's, 3 hour glucose tests, etc, etc, etc. Everything is always normal.

In the last several months we've been treating his progressive hearing loss with a diuretic and low sodium diet because the doctor thought he had Cochlear Hydrops. However, it hasn't seemed to help and at his checkup today his hearing in his right ear was down once again. Thankfully, his left ear is in the normal range. It's the low end of the normal range but normal nonetheless. At the rate his right ear is going though, he'll likely be completely deaf by the time he reaches high school.

So all this background information on his condition is just to say that it looks like we might now have a "fix". It's so obvious to us now that he can't hear. We'll say something and he'll repeat something back to us that isn't even close to what we said. He struggles with hearing us and it's painful to watch. He needs a hearing aid. However, because of the type of hearing loss he has a normal hearing aid will only amplify the mumbled words he hears. Like he needs louder nonsense going in his head. What this means is that he needs one of two things.

One is a cross reference hearing aid. That means an aid in each ear. One acts as a speaker that throws the right sounds over to the good ear. It's not always very clear though and many patients with this type of loss have had complaints about it.

The other option is BAHA, or bone anchored hearing aid. This is what we think we'll do. It's a small titanium implant that is put into his head behind his ear. Sound is transferred through the bone of the skull, stimulating the cochlea in the hearing ear. Then the brain can distinguish between the sound that it receives from the deaf side via the BAHA system, from the sound that it receives directly from the hearing ear. Apparently, the end result is the sensation of hearing from the deaf side.

Wow. Kind of a big deal huh. But wouldn't it be great if he could hear. And he didn't feel like he was always being a pain saying, "What did you say?"

The not-so-little Mermaid and other stuff

You know in The Little Mermaid, where she finally gets her legs and is trying to walk and she's all wobbly and giddy with excitement? That's how Marleigh was on Friday night when I finally let her shave.

There just hadn't been a good time since I bought her razor kit. So Friday she came home from spending the day at a friends house and I took her into my bathroom where I told her to close her eyes and hold out her hands. Did you hear that squeal? It was loud, and ear piercing. She was absolutely thrilled.

We looked at all the shaving tips together and I gave her a few of my own. Then she sat on the edge of my bathtub with Selah and Tess and myself all looking on and she shaved. I think she's shaved every day since then. It's still new and exciting. I give her a month before she's sick of it and wishing she'd never asked to start.

Today is Easter Sunday and we went to church for the first time in a long while. We'd started back up full throttle at the first of the year and then fell out of it again. I hate that we do that. I'm going to try to make a very good effort to stay active. The kids need it, I need it. I teared up several times during songs and a video they played this morning. Just thinking of the sacrifice that was made for us and how I just don't nearly show the thankfulness that I should. Gotta get better. Really do.

Hubby has had the budget talk with me several times in recent months. The one that goes, "We really need to get on a budget." Now he's switched from that to actually making a budget which has me quite scared. I'm a bit of a shopaholic. Champagne taste on a beer budget. That's me all the way. Except that I keep spending the money like it's there which is, I think, what drove Hubby to come up with this budget of his. So far we have not sat down to go over it but I know I'm just one big shopping trip away from it. Not good.